I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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