i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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