I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
