just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
