im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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