Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize