I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize