hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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