im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How does one acquire holy water?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
