2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize