dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
