Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
