did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
