Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
