someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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