Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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