from now on my penis is your penis
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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