I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
