So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
