We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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