she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
