Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
