I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
