are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
