We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
