She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sorry my hands just texted you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
