if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
