Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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