Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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