Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
