I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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