I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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