The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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