no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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