i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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