yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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