I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
