Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
