I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
