I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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