from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
