census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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