so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
