Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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