Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize