I think i peed on brittanys purse
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
