Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
