I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
