Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
