Screwed.edu
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
