Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
