If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
