Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
