What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
