you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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