At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I AM VODKA MAN
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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