i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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