Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
