I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
