he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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