Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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