Kiss
Puke
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
