doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
