i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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