shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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