he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How does one acquire holy water?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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