My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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