i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it's like iHOP with fire
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
