I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
