STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize